Ugh! I think every night this week I've had a dream where I'm still with the ex. I don't fucking understand it. I wake up feeling stressed out and sick. It seems as though they just keep getting more and more severe too. Like last night's I had to endure one of his, "God hates me and keeps shelling out shit to me!" speeches. In my dream I was so angry and I wanted to leave him and the divorce never really happened, or it was erased, and I was going to have to go through with it all over again.
Then I had a dream Boyfriend got some email from some chick in New Zealand and she was professing her love to him. I had overheard him talking about it with a friend, and I started asking questions about it and his answers were starting to freak me out because I could tell he was interested in this girl and began to suspect he was going to leave me. Then I got angry and revengeful and wanted to have sex with Tony Danza, who was my friend for some reason. The rest of my dream revolved around the inner struggle on weather to follow through or not. It was an all-around disturbing dream.
Writing this out...it's all sort of starting to make sense. Maybe the ex came up in my dream because I am feeling sad since Boyfriend is leaving to school for the semester. It seems as though every time I get stressed out or depressed, the ex appears in my dreams. I think in Dreamland he is the icon for anxiety in my life. In addition, when Boyfriend comes into the dream, he is thinking of leaving me for another girl in a far away land. I think the girl actually represents school, quite possibly combined with the *subconscious fear of him finding another girl while there (ultimatley, because we are so far away). The sex-revenge thing is an all-too-typical Candyism. Before I became involved with Boyfriend, I used sex as a way to detach myself from nouns (people, places, things (i.e. emotions and relationships). Or, in general, it was no-strings-attached.
So there you go...my dream in a nutshell. I guess I figured it out. Now if I can only figure out what 59 cent banana soap represents from last night's dream!
For now this is Candy saying I miss him already!
Current Mood: Sick. I've had stressful dreams all week.
Current Soundtrack: --
Current Skirt: PJ's.
*I said subconscious because I do trust him and love him and don't think that this would actually occur. However, I (and no other human being) obviously never know what is going to happen in the future.
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