Ugh...the drive in was so stressful because of the rain. It was that type of weird heavy shower where the road is hard to see because it is so misty and your windshield wipers are on highest setting and can barely keep up on the job. It's the type of rain that can still send pings of post-traumatic stress disorder burning through my lungs. Lastly, it was also the type of rain where, when mixed with the Smashing Pumpkins song The Aeroplane Flies High like it was this morning, makes for a sickening flashback.
A memory of being stuck somewhere between 82nd and 122nd on Holgate with a flat tire right outside a church parking lot. A memory of walking, four months pregnant, in the freezing torrential downpour in the dark winter night, in a purple and black gothy jacket with no hood to keep my head from getting soaking wet, to the pay phone at the scary ass convenience store at the corner. And when I called Mark to come get me...even though the drive was less than five minutes from where we lived, he refused to come get me. He told me to drive home. Even though I stated that the car was unable to drive, which was why I was lucky enough to pull over, he refused. Even though I stood there, desperate, sobbing and begging and pleading on the phone, he refused. And when I heard the phone click, I realized that he had hung up the phone and left me stranded in the dark. In the rain. With no way to get home.
I guess I was just thinking this morning about how that part of my life and how it's over. How it's been over for almost two years. How I'm so glad that I am so independent now. How I know that everything that I do and everything that I am, is just me. It's not someone else's doing. Nobody is in control of me but me. So even something as menial as the green plastic bat ring I'm wearing this morning makes me smile. Because I like it. It's mine. And I chose to wear it this morning.
I'm glad that, on a daily basis, my mind has forgotten most of what has happened those three years. But once in awhile I remember something that makes me grateful for being where I am now. A memory escapes the vault in my head to remind me that I will never let myself be there again. And that if somehow someone tries to pull shit like that on me, a swift kick to the nuts is in order. And believe me, it will be done without even thinking twice about it.
For now this is Candy saying I love your gold ABBA cape!
Current Mood: Content. Gloomy and hungry. I can't believe I left my lunch at home on accident!
Current Soundtrack: SP - Machina
Current Skirt: Black Shimmer
SHOPPING EXTRAVAGANZA
Meredith had the day off yesterday and I was delighted when I came home at 5:30 last night to find her still at our apartment. We decided to venture out to the Dollar Tree store for things like superglue and seran wrap and candy corn. And then we partook in the delights of Party City which was located in the same complex. You may say, "So what! A stupid party store!" But to you, I say that you must have forgotten that they have all their Halloween stuff in stock! We drooled over all the deadly goods. I bought some delights to decorate my bathroom with, but I need to go back for the black cauldron that I plan to use as a wastebasket. I had to do some quick measuring to make sure it would fit between the counter and toilet. It's a win. Hooray!
On the way home we picked up some Taco Hell for dinner, but eating it so late at night harrassed my tummy a bit. We were really bitchy by the time we ordered our food because we were so ravenous. We asked for "lots of mild sauce" but the fucks at Taco Hell did not deliver. Bastards!
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