It's a "red" day for work allergens. Ack...I feel sick. Maybe it's cuz I'm listening to ZWAN and it brings back risidual ickiness from a transitional time last year where I listened to this non-stop.
I'm depressed. You know, they now call seasonal depression SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I forgot where I read that. I once described seasonal depression as this horrible sinking feeling of being stuck. I guess I'm not really feeling stuck...I mean, I'm in school...I'm in my healthy mindframe of "nothing is permanent" - this job, this schooling (although I like it...I look forward to where it's going to bring me more than attending it), this separation, this longing for a space for myself. I guess it's just that this "meantime" I'm experiencing, just like all the other ones I have encountered, suck.
I miss him. And we're talking BIG TIME here. I miss him so much it hurts.
I just want this week to be over with. I'm ready for tour. For backseat adventrues. For Taco Bell. For loading gear. For the smell of hotel rooms. For bonding with the girls and with Jake. I'm ready to perform four shows in four days. For the crazy pedestrians in San Francisco. For new places I've never seen. But most of all, I'm ready to be myself for five days. I'm ready to be happy even though I'm going to be working my ass off. At least I know that in this crazy life, if one thing is right...it's being the drummer in The Jolenes. Everything that encompasses The Jolenes - the girls and Jake, what we do, how all of that relates together - makes me feel like me. And when I feel like I am living my own life I am happy.
*sigh*
And we get back from tour, I'm ready for nine days.
Current Mood: Ick.
Current Soundtrack: ZWAN
Current Skirt: Black dress w/ red stars
0 comments so far